Let You Learn

I let you learn to hate me,
that time we swung on that tire
I told you I'd love you forever, but
I know now those feelings fade,
I guess it's true, that
almost everything will change,
eventually...
But there's no place for me
in that wide place, your heart
don't you know, I'm not anything?
but some selfish girl,
that time we drove to some new place
where no one seemed to
have ever been,
the sun was going off to bed,
and the shapeless shadows beneath the trees
were shaded purple, an alien hue
against the orange and pink and blue
my coat unzipped,
But I was freezing cold
strange how even winter knows
to show itself when spring is here
I wish that I could give myself
to you, to anyone
But know that I'm not meant for this
know that I was meant to be
solitary
There's a wall, I know
I'm a sheltered girl,
I know such little about this world
this expanse of space that stretches out
it is nothing, it is everything,
was it all that we would wish it to be?
Sometimes I wonder when God will show
that I am something ordinary,
but all He says, whispers in my dreams
is how disturbingly different I am,
and not in some beauty, but in that way
that strange kudzu grows,
wild, untamed, and aimless,
ambitious, but without meaning,
tramples the ground I walk upon
I'd kill the sound of birds
to get where I want to go,
so no, so no
I'll let you learn to hate me,
instead, I'll let you hate me
Cause there is nothing left in this unsteady place
that can hold anymore sadness,
there is enough of that inside the sands,
and I wish that I could say I'm beyond all of it,
but I am still scouring the earth, crawling along
along my shapeless belly,
searching for myself, or my eyes,
grasping in my greedy blindness
spending time out in the shade,
within the thickets of my own insides
I have no concept of what will be
I want so bad to try and see
that longing to be good,but
it's nothing selfless,
it is nothing, it is nothing
because I will die, eventually
my bones, my skin, will all decay,
will melt away,
and before a century is gone,
which is only a day to this universe,
I will be forever done,
lost between a small gap in time,
a nameless point in history,
an unknown, uncharted chapter
nameless girl, just wandering.
So, I let you learn to hate me.